Tuesday, July 15, 2003
talked to khai yesterday and somehow my head is clearer as to wat i am feeling.
i love lin. heart and soul. i love her because from the start i hated her. i found her intriguing. and the way she stared off into space and stoned i knew that there was a mind to be explored. looking at her made me go weak in the knees. made my heart turn into mush and my body longed to hold her close and near.
with feli..i want to kiss her... have a romp or two with her and then i guess somehow i will be satisfied. maybe the reason why i'm not in love with feli is cos i dun have to force my friendship on her. feli is not a challenge. i love challenges and lin was most definitely that. she was an intoxicating challenge. one whiff of her and u come running back for more. i dun have to analyze feli cos she is clear and evident for the world to see. i dun feel special with her. i dun feel like im the only one she cares about. feli is a great friend. im really attracted to her...(as perverse as that sounds to some of u) but i dun think i will ever want to have a r/s with her cos i know it will never work out. we will piss each other off in the end. or get bored with each other. cos there is something lacking. and yet i dunno wat. i dun want anything from you feli. i dun want promises. hearts candies...bla bla bla... being my fren is enuff.
all i want is lin. but i can't have her. so why find anyone else? i will only want someone who is better than lin. who makes me feel the same way. feli... she doesn't make the cut. its just a little crush i feel. a little lust. cos i just want to stroke her hair and kiss her tenderly. but i dun want to be there when she need me. get it? i dunno how to explain it... oh well... khai will get it...
--insignificant lies--
1:54 am
